I recently helped support a female friend of mine through quite a troubling experience with someone with very high narcissistic traits. I thought it would be valuable to share for all of you the impact excessive narcissistic traits can have on people, both men and women, or indeed any sexual orientation.
Dating a narcissist can be a confusing, frustrating, and damaging experience. Narcissists are often pretty charming and charismatic, which can make them attractive and appealing in the short term. However, they can also be selfish, manipulative and, over time, their behavior can be damaging and emotionally draining.
Dating a narcissist can be bad and have a major impact on your self-esteem, your sense of identity, and your ability to trust. It’s important to be aware of the signs of narcissism so you can make an informed decision about whether dating one is a good idea.
What is a narcissist?
A narcissist is someone who has an excessive sense of self-importance, an extreme need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. Narcissists are often arrogant, manipulative, and overly self-entitled. They may also be very controlling and have a tendency to take advantage of people. Narcissists often lack self-awareness and have difficulty forming meaningful relationships with others.
Signs And Characteristics of a Narcissist
1. Over-reliance on someone else for their self-esteem is quite common. For example, they might constantly ask you how they look, how they did at something, or what you think of them.
2. A need to “win” at everything. Even if the argument isn’t about them, they’ll try to take control of the situation and make it about them, or twist and turn the conversation so never to be wrong, ever.
3. They’re not interested in your feelings, thoughts, or ideas unless they can use them to benefit themselves. You’ll usually get a cold response or a generally lack of response when talking about yourself. Or you’ll find the conversation turning back to them.
4. You feel like you’re being put down all the time. They might criticize, put you down, or ignore your feelings.
5. They don’t apologize, and they’re not interested in your feelings. Conversations are usually one-sided in their favor and it’s usually very much a situation of ‘me, me and More me’.
6. They’re bad at communication. While narcissists are often good at communicating, they have little interest in listening to others. This can make it difficult to have a relationship.
7. They can be unfaithful. True narcissists care about themselves, not you. This means that they can cheat on you and be unfaithful.
8. They lack the ability to compromise. This can create problems in the long term, as all relationships require some compromise. Their self-centeredness can be emotionally exhausting.
9. They lie. They can lead to convince themselves and others that what they’re saying or believe is right. You can sometimes hear some very exaggerated truths.
There are several more signs that someone may be a narcissist:
- A need for admiration and attention
- A sense of entitlement
- A lack of empathy for others
- Manipulative behavior
- A Superiority complex
- A tendency to be controlling
- An excessive focus on their own interests
- An inability to take responsibility for their own actions
- A tendency to blame others
- A need to be perfect
- A tendency to be jealous and possessive of others
If you recognize any of these signs in your partner, it is important to be aware that they may be a narcissist. However it’s also important to note people can have mild traits or qualities like this, it doesn’t make them a narcissist. Be very careful to not label people prematurely or unnecessarily, but more understand how the relationship is affecting you and if these qualities are not right for you.
How Narcissists Manipulate Relationships
Narcissists often use manipulation to get what they want from a relationship. They may use flattery and compliments to make you feel special, or they may use guilt and shame to make you feel like you are not good enough.
They may also use fear and threatening behavior to keep you in line. It is important to recognize these tactics and to know how to protect yourself from them.
Gaslighting is sometimes commonly associated with narcissistic behavior. Narcissists will tend to sometimes unconsciously manipulate people because of their own self interests. This can be extremely confusing for a partner and even begin to second-guess themselves. Try to look out for the signs that are showing negative behaviors, and if they’re affecting you, you need to take some action.
Qualities of a Narcissist
There are a few potential benefits of dating a narcissist. These might be attractive reasons to date a narcissist, though they might also come with downsides to consider.
1. They’re confident. Narcissists are often very confident in themselves and their abilities. This can make them great people to have around in high-pressure situations, like social events or when you need help with something.
2. They’re likely to be successful. Narcissists tend to be very ambitious and driven people. This can mean that they’re likely to be successful, which can be attractive.
3. They’re likely to be charming and social. Narcissists love attention, so they’re likely to be very good at charming people and being social. This can make dating them easier.
4. They’re likely to be good at flirting. Narcissists are often very skilled at flirting, which can make dating easier.
Narcissists often have certain qualities that can make them attractive. These qualities include:
- Charisma
- Confidence
- Intelligence
- Self-assurance
- Ambition
- Dominance
While these qualities can be attractive, and can also be used in a manipulative way, It is important to be aware of how these qualities affect you personally. It is not always necessarily a bad thing being in a relationship with a narcissist.
Some people are extremely happy in these relationships because they are aware and capable of handling the situation, all the personalities and benefits of the relationship balance out.
Let’s not also forget that people can possess these qualities in a very strong sense and not be narcissistic either.
How Dating a Narcissist Can Affect You
Dating a narcissist can have a major impact on your life. It can damage your self-esteem, your sense of identity, and your ability to trust. Narcissists often focus on themselves, which can make you feel unimportant and invisible.
They may also be controlling and manipulative, which can make it hard for you to voice your own opinion or stand up for yourself.
How to Recognize the Signs of a Narcissistic Relationship
Narcissism is not always immediately obvious and it can be difficult to spot. If you’re dating someone and you’re unsure whether they might be narcissistic. Their interest in you is likely to be focused on your appearance and your ability to provide them with attention and admiration and value for their own self worth primarily..
If they show interest in talking to you and getting to know you, that’s a good sign. But they’re likely to have unrealistic expectations of you. If they expect you to be perfect and have an unrealistic view of your abilities, they might be narcissistic.
They’re likely to be very focused on their appearance and social media. Narcissists love attention, so they’re likely to be very focused on their appearance and social media. They’re also likely to want you to admire them.
It is important to be aware of the signs of a narcissistic relationship so that you can protect yourself. keep an eye out for these traits:
- A sense of entitlement
- Emotional manipulation
- Unreasonable expectations
- A lack of empathy
- A need for control
- Criticism
- Blame
If you recognize any of these signs in your relationship, it is important to take action and make sure that your needs are being met. It’s equally open to not overemphasize single signs or characteristics and presume someone is a narcissist.
Although these are the common characteristics and signs of the behavior, it’s important to primarily focus on how the combination of these are making you feel in a relationship.
How to Deal With a Narcissist
It is important to be aware of how to deal with a narcissist in order to protect yourself. It is important to set boundaries and to make sure that your needs are being met.
It is also important to remember that you are not responsible for their behavior and that you have the right to protect yourself. It is also important to remember that it is not your fault if they are not able to meet your needs.
If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, you may need support. Finding a therapist can be a good way to get the support you need to get through the situation. You can also join an online support group or find a community center where you can meet other people who are in similar situations.
Online support groups in particular can be useful if you want to remain anonymous. They can also be useful for finding recommendations for therapists in your area. You can also speak to your friends and family about what you’re going through. While they can’t solve your problems for you, they can listen and offer support.
Risks of dating a narcissist
Narcissists generally lack empathy for others, and so it’s likely that they’ll be unwilling to work on a relationship if things go south, yet not want to let go in some cases. This can make it harder for you to break up with them, and it can also be emotionally draining.
If you feel it’s Relationship you want to stick by and there is a value in it for you, there are ways that you can cope, and let it forget that these characteristics and traits and the narcissistic behaviour themselves can be on a spectrum. It’s for you to look at and decide what’s best for you. Psychcentral offers a great article on coping with a Narcissistic partner
Effects of Dating a Narcissist on Your Self Esteem
Dating a narcissist can have a major impact on your self-esteem. Narcissists often make you feel like you are not good enough or like you are not worthy of their attention. They may also criticize you and put you down in order to make themselves feel better.
This can cause you to doubt your own worth and to begin to question your self-esteem. In the Earth you can be left feeling you don’t deserve any better. Try to remember who you were when you came into the relationship and what you deserve.
How to End a Relationship With a Narcissist
Ending a relationship with a narcissist can be difficult. It is important to be aware that narcissists may not take the breakup well and may become angry or even violent. It is also important to remember that you are not responsible for their behavior and that you have the right to end the relationship.
If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist and you want to leave them, there are a few things you can do. First, you need to understand that narcissists won’t ever change. You can’t “fix” them, because they don’t see themselves as having issues. You need to accept that you can’t change them and focus on moving forward with your life.
As you leave the relationship, you need to be aware of the damage a narcissist can cause when they’re rejected. They’re likely to try to hurt you, so you need to take steps to protect yourself. Make sure you protect your online presence, don’t share personal information with them, and limit the amount of time you spend with them. Stay focused on your goals and values, and don’t let the narcissist drag you down.
When ending the relationship, it is important to do it in a safe and respectful way. It is also important to be firm and to set boundaries. It is also important to remember that you are not responsible for their feelings and that you have the right to protect yourself.
You may already be worn down by the relationship and don’t feel strong enough to confront the situation. Lean on your friends and loved ones, or get some support. Narcissists will more than likely try to convince and move the conversation in their favor and try and get their own way. It’s not uncommon for people that want to end these relationships to either ghost out, or disappear leaving a note. If you feel you have no choice, just get out.
A common approach to gently letting Relationship down it’s just to make yourself less and less available and more and more busy in other areas of your life. You may get some pushback from this, but handle it respectfully and slowly prepare yourself to move on. Usually people get the message. A narcissist may well get bored by the lack of attention and move on anyway. Possibly not first without a confrontation, find ways to prepare but remember your goals.
Strategies for Coping With a Breakup From a Narcissist
When going through a breakup with a narcissist, it is important to take care of yourself. It is important to remember that you are not responsible for them.
It is also important to find healthy ways to cope with the breakup, such as talking to a friend, writing in a journal, or seeking professional help.
No contact rules are important here, especially with strong personalities that are used to getting what they want. And insuring if you do allow them to get in contact with you, you are able to handle it and not get pulled back in to the relationship you wanted to leave.
Above all remember who you were before you enter the relationship. Lean on the support of your friends, your family and if you feel comfortable doing so get some professional support. Therapy is very common these days and cab be extremely helpful.
How to Spot a Narcissist in the Future
It is important to be aware of the signs of a narcissist so that you can avoid them in the future. It’s can be easy to forget and once again the charmed by the ways of narcissistic characters.
You’ve been heard of people returning into the same types of relationships, you’ll do good to remind yourself of how the relationship affected you and be weary of some of the tell-tale signs:
- A need for admiration
- A sense of entitlement
- A lack of empathy
- Manipulative behavior
- A need for control
- An inability to take responsibility for their own actions
- A tendency to blame others
- An excessive focus on their own interests
The Long-Term Effects of Dating a Narcissist
Dating a narcissist can have long-term effects on your life. It can damage your self-esteem and make it hard for you to trust other people.
It can also make it hard for some to form meaningful intimate relationships with other people if you are in an unhealthy one for too long. With the right support and mindset you can easily move on however. Remind yourself of who you were and look after yourself. If you need help don’t be shy to seek it out.
Conclusion
Dating a narcissist can have a major impact on your life. It can damage your self-esteem, your sense of identity, and your ability to trust. It is important to be aware of the signs of a narcissist, the characteristics of a narcissist, and how narcissists manipulate relationships.
It is also important to be honest with yourself and recognize the effects of dating a narcissist on your self esteem and how to end a relationship with a narcissist. It is ok for you or not, are they truly a narcissist or not. Because ultimately partnerships are about mutual support, understanding and happiness. You must put yourself first and make sure you are happy. If not, do something about it.
References
https://dsm.psychiatryonline.org/doi/book/10.1176/appi.books.9780890425787
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/am-i-dating-a-narcissist
https://psychcentral.com/disorders/how-to-know-if-youre-dating-a-narcissist
